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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24877987">Say You Won’t Let Go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totalfanfav/pseuds/Totalfanfav'>Totalfanfav</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Flash (TV 2014)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Kara Danvers - Freeform, Minor Cecile Horton/Joe West, Prof. Stein, Sophie Moore - Freeform, Winn Schott - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:41:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,420</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24877987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totalfanfav/pseuds/Totalfanfav</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes great love and commitment to rebuild a broken foundation.</p><p>This is a different kind of love story.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barry Allen/Iris West</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>CHAPTER 1</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Iris, we need to book a bigger venue than the coffee shop, I know you said you wanted this to be a small thing, but the shop is very small to host an event as this” Linda says but Iris ignores her. “Iris!” she calls out her name, “Yes, Linda I can hear you. I just don’t agree with you. We won’t be hosting a lot of people; we don’t even know if people are gonna show up. You know what, maybe we should just postpone this to next year” she says moving up and down her office. “Hey hey hey sit down and breathe okay?” Linda holds her hands and sits with her on the couch by her office door “you need to calm down okay, you’ve been wanting to do this for as long as I’ve known you, we’ve planned it out for years now. Why are you suddenly so anxious about doing it?” she gives her a worried look and doesn’t let go of her one hand while she watches her take deep breaths.</p><p>“I don’t know Lin, I mean…” she looks up, closes her eyes and takes another deep breath. “yes, I’ve been wanting to do this for so long, but I’ve been feeling like my heart is about to be broken into small pieces, I don’t know why. It just feels like... like something’s gonna happen and that is scaring the crap out of me” she moved back on the couch and lays her head on the top of it but doesn’t look at Linda. Linda just stares at her, opens her mouth and close it like she wanted to say something but doesn’t, she tries again in a very soft voice “Iris…” Iris moves her head a bit to look at her and Linda notices her glossy eyes and immediately pulls her in for a hug. “oh sweetie, I’m so sorry.” Linda whispers. “Iris, you do know it’s okay to be scared sometimes right? But you can’t let fear dictate what you can or cannot do”</p><p>Iris nods but doesn’t let her go and sighs “I know.” Linda breaks the hud and uses her hands to wipe Iris’s tears “you’ve been doing well with the podcast and the coffee shop is doing great too and I’m so proud of you and all that you’ve achieved in the last couple of years. Now it’s time to come out of hiding and do what you’ve been dreaming about since I met you.” Iris chuckles and wipes the remnants of tears on her cheeks “Well things are different now Lin, what if I can’t do it well”. “Hey! You will, I promise you… plus you still have me on your side so this will be great, almost like old times” Linda nudges her, and Iris fake laughs “hahaha, fine! Go ahead and look for a bigger venue, but please make sure it only accommodates less than 70 people, I don’t want to be embarrassed more than I should be when only 20 people show up at a venue that accommodates 200 people”. “Well that’s not gonna happen but okay,” Linda says as she jumps up the couch excited to continue planning the ‘Ask-An-Expert’ event.<br/>
While she’d dedicated a lot of her time doing all the research and working on her podcast, she has also managed to start a small coffee shop business downtown of Central City, it all started with just a coffee cart at events but she was financially smart enough to save money to rent a tiny place in the city by office buildings to turn it into an actual coffee shop/mini restaurant with an office at the back to use as her recording studio.</p><p>When Linda and Iris met in college, Iris had gotten a really good bursary that covered for her accommodation so she’d decided to get a nice 2 bedroom flat that’s close to campus so she can have more freedom to stay there during school holidays too, She and Linda had a couple of classes together, they became friends within the first week of school so they decided to share Iris’s flat and split the rent, they’ve been like sisters ever since. They come from very similar backgrounds, moms died at 9, their dads remarried, and they were raised by stepmoms, they shared their experiences and how that influenced who they are now.<br/>
They both shared a great passion for helping young people follow their dreams, they both wanted to be a part of a group that dedicates their life in helping develop others, they tried out different groups and programs in school but none of them fit what they stood for, so they decided to start a program (Ceeza Program) on campus were other students would use their skills to help raise funds to assist students who couldn’t afford to pay their college tuition. Linda did project management in school while she worked as a part-time event organizer for close friends parties and weddings so she used her skills and knowledge to organize events, Iris was a business management student and was great at coming up with ideas so she was the ‘idea’ lady. There were lots of other students who joined their program. The program was fully embraced by their college so much so that even after they’d left college, the Ceeza Program continues to this day.<br/>
Linda now works as a Project Manager at Asus Consulting where she manages community development projects for major cooperates and conducts monthly youth training programs to help ready young people for the workplace. Iris runs her coffee business that she started about a year and a half ago, she decided to go into content creation when she graduated and started her own educational podcast where she’d invite experts from various fields to help educate about their experiences in their field. Her podcast has been doing pretty well so far and now she’s working on expanding it to a show with a live audience and having more than one guest. She and Linda thought it’d be great if they do a test-run by doing an exclusive show to see how people will respond to it.</p><p>To one person, that seems like a great achievement for a 24-year-old. But not to Iris, she has always been so hard on herself, she was a planner, she knew what she wanted when she wanted it and how she wanted to have it. Usually, that’s how everything would go but this time life decided to play shuffle mode on her life, changed everything she’d planned, and right now, everything she’s achieved so far doesn’t feel like a win. But whether that’s good or bad, she’s still moving.</p><p>“I spoke to Jenna last night, she said she managed to get 2 panelists, they’re both willing to be part of the panel for free and lucky for us, they’re free on the 3rd next month” Linda shares the information as she grabs her handbag and laptop bag from the chair on the other side of Iris’s office desk. “I need to get going, I promised Scott I’d be home early today to put Cici to sleep tonight, he’s been doing that all week so he’s starting to be a bit grumpy about it now,” she says rolling her eyes laughing as she leaves Iris’s office. “Bye Lin, see you tomorrow, and thank you for helping me out today,” she says blowing a kiss at Linda as she also stands up from the couch to gather her own things to leave for the night.</p><p> </p><p>National City<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>“I gotta say, you’ve really been doing so great these last couple of months, thinking back to when I met you 2 years ago, you’ve really come a long way. You should be proud of yourself” Dr. Stein says. “Thanks, Doc, I feel better, I’ve been doing so well, I haven’t had an episode in over a year now too, my boss has even been so much happy with all the work that I’ve been able to do. I heard I might be getting a promotion” Barry says smiling like a 5-year-old who’s been told to have as many candies as they’d like. He’s sitting so relaxed, open, and vulnerable in Dr. Stein’s office, a therapist Kara suggested he visit to help him when he moved to National city about 3 years ago. If someone told him then that this is how he’d be feeling today, he probably would have slit their throat because there’s no way he’d believe that he’d feel better than what he was feeling then.<br/>
“So I was thinking…” Barry starts but pauses to sit up straight and look at Dr. Stein, “... I was thinking that maybe it would be good if I went back to Central City, I mean I haven’t been there since I left 3 years ago you know,  and I think it's time I went back to deal with what I led me here in the first place.” he says almost like a question but also a statement. “Is that a bad idea? Yeah, it’s probably a bad idea, it’s only been a year since my last episode, if I go back I’ll tear apart all the work we’ve done so far, right?” he furrowed his brows, a thing he does when he’s doubting himself, he’s always done even as a kid and his mom would always point it out to make fun of him…. in a loving way of course.<br/>
“Barry, that’s not a bad idea at all, in fact, it makes me so much happy that you’ve come to that conclusion on your own, it just shows how ready you are.” Dr. Stein says with a smile “ plus, if anything happens, you have my number you can call me at any time of the day” he adds. “Oh, really. You think so? Great! I mean… yeah,” Barry says now looking more nervous than before. Dr. Stein notices and asks him “is there something that you want to talk about? Or…?”. “ not really, no. it’s just that there’s one person I think I’m very not sure I’m ready to see yet but I really want to see them. And I’m definitely sure they don’t want to see me” he says rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, you know yourself better than anyone. If you feel like meeting this person will set you back then don’t”. “No, I need to apologize, I owe both of us that at least,” Barry responds.</p><p>Later that week<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>“So Zari told me that she received a call from an event coordinator in Central City. They’re hoping to get one of our best business analysts to fly down there for an event some podcast lady is hosting to help assist young aspiring business owners with the relevant information for building their businesses, I was hoping to get a volunteer before I pick someone” Sophie says as she closes up her files, about to end their managers’ meeting. “I’ll go, Kara has been on my case about a holiday and this would be such a great opportunity for us, well mostly I cause the company’s paying for our stay in the city. How long do I have to be there boss?” Winn says with much enthusiasm. “Okay slow down big man, this is not a vacation, this is work, they only need you for two days but I’ve been working on getting us offices that side so maybe you can look into that while you’re there. Let’s say about a week should be enough, then you can have the weekend to do your vacation stuff with your wife then” Sophie said laughing while Winn stands up to do the victory dance. Everyone packs up and leaves the boardroom but Winn notices Barry still sitting in his chair looking like he’s deep in thoughts.<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>“You know instead of brooding, you could just ask nicely and we can go together... I mean I know Kara’s not gonna be that happy but we can negotiate” Winn says jokingly while he puts his hand on Barry’s shoulder which startles him out of his thoughts and sits up straight. “Hey man, what’s up?” he says with a soft voice and waves a fake smile. “Barry, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Winn says with a worried voice and curious eyes. “Hey listen, man,” Barry says clearing his throat “ I was thinking of taking a couple of days off next month to go to Central City” he looks at Winn who looks very confused, at that he immediately adds “don’t worry I spoke to Stein, he thinks I’m ready” but that doesn’t change Winn’s expression “well okay… but are you ready?” he says with raised eyebrows. “I am, I kind of feel like I’ve been hiding here for so long and now it’s time to go face what happened and move forward, fully,” Barry says, “Plus I had in life in Central City before all of that happened, I need to try to make amends with those I’ve hurt while I’m there too”. “I’m proud of you man, come here,” Winn says, pulling out his hand as Barry opens his arms for a hug. “We need to come over tomorrow for dinner cause Kara and I leave for Central City in 3 days, I’m sure she’ll be happy to hear the news too….. Speaking of, I need to call her and tell her we’re going on a mini-vacation” he says, taking out his phone from his pocket as he walks out of the boardroom.</p><p> Central City<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>“So as requested, we have put together a panel that will focus on 3 main parts of building a business, legalities, what business experts will look for, how to brand your business and as a special treat, we invited a social media beloved as an extra to just add so good stuff there,” Linda says as she writes extra notes on her notepad “Also, please don’t make any unnecessary changes now cause the event is like in 5 days so I cannot afford to look like a terrible event planner”. Iris rolls eyes “Linda, please stop being dramatic, any changes I decide to make will be because they need to be made, plus I’m your client, you have to do what I say” she folds her arms as she smirks. “Nuh-uh... You don’t come to me with the client bs!!” Linda says.</p><p>“Whatever!, so who did Jenna and Katrina manage to get?” Iris asked. “Some pretty great people who have made great names for themselves actually. So Jenna got Rachel Zane from Pearson Spector, she like thee best Paralegal in the city and she also got Amy Santiago all the way from Brooklyn, she’s apparently a very popular online brand guru or something, well Kendra on the other side got Winn Schott, a business analyst from National City and Mary Hamilton”.  “Well Damn!!” Iris said with her jaw dropped, “all these people know they’re not getting paid for this right?” she asked with a chuckle still in unbelief that she’d be hosting such highly acclaimed people. “Girl of course!” Linda said “They all agreed to meet with us a day before the event so we can go through some more dets and then they’re set. I just need to make sure Luke shows up in time, I mean, we don’t want to be embarrassed by our own moderator now, I still don’t understand why you don’t want to moderate your own panel”. “Shut up!” Iris says laughing, “you know I’m not a camera person, I wanna grow in the production side before I can even think of being in front of a camera.”</p><p> </p><p>National City</p><p>[Barry’s phone rings] “Winn it’s only 7 am, I was at your house till late night so this can’t be because you miss me”. Barry said in an annoyed sleepy voice. “Barry listen, I’m really sorry, like truly truly sorry, Kara started feeling very sick last night after you left and I took her to the ER, she’s better but unfortunately I can’t go to Central City anymore”. “Oh My Goodness Winn, why are you apologizing to me, is she okay?” Barry said now fully awake and sitting on his bed, “yeah yeah she’s better now, they gave her a really strong injection last night so she’s sleeping” Winn responded.  “Oh Good, that’s good, I’ll come over to see you guys, don’t worry about the Central City thing, I’m sure Sophie will understand, I’ll talk to her, she’ll have someone else go”. He said and he heard a big sigh on the other end “Winn what’s wrong?”. “I’m so sorry Barry, I spoke to Sophie already and she told me that she’s going to send you to the event now, I tried to tell her no but she wasn’t taking no for an answer bro, she said you already planned for a trip there anyway so you might as well leave early, I’m really sorry…” Winn says rambling, Barry can hear his rambling but he is also taken about by what he just heard so much that he doesn’t realize he’s been silent for a long time “Barry... Barry…Barry... Barry are you still there” his mind finally comes back to him “ yeah yeah sorry, uhm no hey it’s okay don’t worry about it okay, just focus on your wife, I’ll deal with this” Barry says in a distant voice. “I’m really sorry dude, I didn’t know this was gonna happen,” Winn says in an apologetic voice. “HEY! Stop apologizing, go take care of your wife, I’ll be fine. I promise” Barry says as he got up from his bed and then hung up.</p><p>After so much pleading and begging Sophie to reconsider her command to have Barry attend this event, Barry found himself in the back of his transport for his work trip in Central City looking outside the window to the city he once called home, feeling all these emotions he ran away from 3 years ago slowly creeping in, he didn’t let them stay though, he’s in a better place now he knows it and he’s grown to be so much better at handling his emotions. His driver pulls up at his hotel and he gets out of the car, takes a deep breath and walks into his new home for the week, he heads straight to his room to shower and then starts looking at Winn’s plan for the week he was going to spend here to prepare for the coming days.</p><p> The next afternoon </p><p>“Hey Iris, I need to go out for about 2 hours to go get some medication for my mom at the drugstore, do you mind helping Kendra on the counter while I’m out please?” Nathalie said. “Yeah sure, I just have a meeting with Linda about AAE  in about…. an hour from now but I’m sure she’ll wait till you’re back,” Iris says looking and her watch then back at Nathalie with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>Iris really loved working behind the counter where she got a chance to talk to her customers, she even knew her regulars, she always tried to make time to be visible at the store even when she couldn’t personally serve everyone. She hasn’t really had that much time to do that these last couple of weeks because most of her focus was on the event that was coming up in 2 days, however, she couldn’t pass out on this one moment of escape to see her customers and serve them. “Good day, I’d like a large caffe latte with coconut milk please, and a chicken and mayo sandwich to go. Thank you”. A very familiar but distant voice rings in Iris’s ears and she punches the previous customer’s order on her POS machine and she responds, “Hi I’m so sorry, I’ll be with you just now, there seems to be a little delay here tod..” her smile completely fades away as she looks at the person standing in front of her, her whole body goes cold like someone just threw a bucket of ice on her. Whatever is happening to her seems to be happening to the person in front of her because he doesn’t move or break eye contact with her as she sees the shock in his face. </p><p>Just then, “Hey! Is something wrong?” some guy calls from behind and that breaks the ice and brings Iris back “yes yes sorry, I- Kendra please take the rest of the orders,” she says, taking off her apron and walking straight to her office without having said another word or waiting to hear Kendra’s response. Iris walks in straight to her office and closes the door and stands behind it, just still, eyes popped out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b> CHAPTER 2 </b>
</p><p>“Hey, girl, so Katrina just called, we had a little speed bump, the guy from National City who was supposed to come had a family emergency so his boss sent his partner instead…. Hey Iris! Iris! Look at me” Linda stands up rushing to her as she realizes Iris’s condition “ Hey hey look at me, its okay we have someone… Iris hey” she says shaking her by her shoulder “breathe… sweetie, breathe .” ''Barry is here,” she said, almost as a question than a statement “What?” Linda asked with a frown, now taken aback. “ I saw him outside, he’s here” she replies, taking a few steps into her office and sits on her couch still staring at nothing. “Honey are you sure that it was him? I mean you maybe have mistaken some..” “Linda I’m not crazy okay!'' I heard his voice and then I looked up from the counter and saw him, it was him. I’m not crazy!!” she snaps “okay okay I’m sorry, I’m not saying you’re crazy.” Linda responds calmly, “do you want me to go out there?” “NO!” she says quickly and quite loud  “I mean no” she corrects herself and takes a deep breath.</p><p>[Barry]<br/>
He thought his mind was playing games with him when he heard her voice behind the counter, probably cause he’s back in Central City. But it all happened too fast. He couldn't even believe it was real, one second he thought it's a dream, the next she’s really here looking at him, it is really her, he tried to speak but his mouth couldn’t open. This was not how she was supposed to meet him, this is not how they were supposed to see each other again, he wasn’t prepared, well he was ready for whatever she wanted to do to him, he deserved it but at this very moment, he wasn’t prepared. Just when he was about to say something she left him standing there. </p><p>That was not the plan, he had just come out of a meeting with a potential client for his company, he was so drained from it that he asked his driver to take him to the nearest coffee shop before his next meeting for the day, he didn’t know he’d find her there, he didn’t know where she was exactly but that’s not where he’d expected to meet her again. </p><p>Now he’s just standing there looking at the door she walked in and closed. “Sir, did you need anything” the barista in front of him brings his mind back “oh Uhm sorry I-” he says rubbing the back of his neck “I- I need to go,” he says leaving the cash he was carrying on the counter “Sir your money!” Kendra tried to call out but he was already gone.</p><p> </p><p>He tried his best to be present in this meeting he was sitting in, he’s been in this meeting for more than 45 minutes now. All he could think about was what had happened about 2 hours ago. “.....Mr. Allen are you listening” he heard the agent ask him. “Yes, I’m sorry I got a little distracted for a minute,” he said, flashing a fake smile. The agent really looked annoyed now. “I’m sorry do you mind if we look at other offices tomorrow, I just remembered I have another meeting that I need to go to now?” Barry said apologetically. “Sure no problem, I can email you the addresses for the offices we can view tomorrow,” the assistant said.</p><p>Back in his hotel, Barry just sat in his bed trying to think of how he could fix his situation with Iris, Should he go back to the coffee shop now? What is he gonna say to her? What she doesn’t want to see or hear from him, I mean she did look like she wasn’t happy to see him? He finally decided that going back now will most likely make matters worse, he will wait till tomorrow morning to go back there, hopefully, she will let him talk to her.</p><p>[Iris]</p><p>She’s spent the rest of her day trying to distract herself from all this with work, from going back to help in the shop to finalizing a few details left from the AAE event that will happen in a few days. It worked then, she was on work mode the whole day but now that the shock weighed down, all that Iris had left in her were questions, why was he here? When did he come back? How long has he been around? Why would he come to her coffee shop? Was that his way of telling her he’s back? What does that even mean for her? Should she be happy that he’s back? But why? Now she’s just laying on her bed unable to sleep, and that makes her very angry, why should she have a hard time sleeping because of this man again? She’s moved on from that and she most definitely is not gonna let herself go back to that place again. </p><p>                                -----</p><p>Barry and Iris met during Iris’s second year in college. She and Linda had just started the Ceeza Program and were looking for more volunteers to help collaborate with to launch the program, so one of their classmates Michaela Pratt suggested they talk to Cisco Ramon who was a third-year Business Analysis student and part-time computer genius, and apparently a very nice person. To both Linda and Iris’s surprise, he didn’t even ask too many questions, he agreed to develop apps on behalf of Ceeza for big companies so they can get more money to help, Barry also offered content researching and designing the app user interfaces to fit individual company needs. </p><p>Working as the main group of four meant spending every free hour, weekend, a holiday they had together trying to make this project work, Barry and Iris focused on meeting with clients on a regular while writing proposals for potential clients working while Cisco worked on his apps, Linda organizing campus concerts to keep other students involved in the small way they can. Them working very closely together created a special bond, they would take time to talk about what they like, their favorite food, movies, Iris’s obsession with Coffee and pastry stuff. Getting to know the little details about each other made working with each other so easily.</p><p>Iris knew that Barry liked her but she made a policy in her head that she’d never date anyone she works with because ‘it always gets messy at some point’ and at that time the project meant so much to her. It wasn’t about her, so many people depended on the money they would make to pay for their diplomas and degrees. So risking someone’s future for some relationship that might not even work was not a risk she was willing to take. Barry being a good guy that he was, he respected her decision, he never gave up but also never pushed her into anything. Well, Linda on the other hand was not having it at all, she’d spend every chance she got to let Iris know how dumb she was being for not taking a chance with Barry. “Iris, come on, he’s so kind, he loves people, he makes you laugh, you guys have so much in common, plus he loves his family… I mean he talks about his parents A Lot! And I know for a fact that you like him too. What more do you want?” she would tell her. She knew all of that was true but her plan wasn’t to meet this perfect guy now, she needs to graduate first, get a job and then find the perfect guy, Barry can’t be the perfect guy. Not now at least. So she used every excuse under the sun to convince herself she didn’t like him back and that he wasn’t the guy for her.</p><p>It wasn’t until the night of the launch concert that she gave in to her feelings, everything had gone so perfectly and they managed to get over $120 000 to help students, she was so excited after the dean gave a speech to thank them for starting this program for their college. When they got off stage, Iris jumped up to Barry without thinking and kissed him, Barry was taken aback by that action but quickly recovered. And that was the beginning of their relationship. </p><p>Iris hated to admit to Linda that she was right, Barry was the kindest, most romantic and loving partner she’s always dreamed of having, their relationship didn’t affect their ability to work together. They continued with Ceeza during their last year of college and that event was even more successful than the first one, their team of volunteers had grown so much and they were able to hand over the program to new management for the years when they’d all left. </p><p>Because of the success of their program and the number of great clients they’d worked with, they all managed to get job offers before they even graduated. Cisco was offered a job as a Developer for Google overseas, Linda was offered a Junior Project Manager position at Asus Consulting, Iris was offered a Regional Manager role for a Youth development project at Asus Consulting along with Linda and Barry received an offer to teach Business Analysis Central City University.</p><p>Everything was going so well for all of them until Barry’s parents got involved in a tragic car accident that took both their lives. That was when things changed for Barry, he was no longer himself, he didn’t want to talk to anyone or when he did, he wouldn’t want to talk about what happened, how he felt, or anything that had to do with his parents. After about a month since the accident, Just a few weeks before their graduation ceremony. Barry decided to end things with Iris, without giving any explanation. “I’m sorry Iris, I can’t do this anymore, I’m not the guy for you. I need to go” he said and walked away without waiting for a response from her. She never heard from him or saw him since that day. </p><p>                               -----</p><p>
  <i> The next morning </i>
</p><p>Barry walked in the coffee shop, he was a nervous wreck. Not even sure if he’ll find her here today, what if she’s not working today? He walked up straight to the line to the counter, it was almost midday so some people had already started coming in for lunch, it wasn’t crazy busy or full, there were just others sitting in meetings inside the shop. As he approached the counter, he noticed that the girl on the other side is neither Iris nor the girl she left to attend the counter yesterday. “Hi Sir, what can I get you today?” the lady asked. “H… Hi, uhm please may I.. Uhm speak to Iris West?” he said, sounding so nervous while rubbing the back of his neck. “Sure, she’s right at the back. I’ll get her for you” the lady responded with a smile, apologized to the person behind Barry, and went to the back. That made him even more nervous, not that he wanted her to not be there but now that he’s here, he just rubs his sweaty hands as he says a little prayer that he doesn’t screw this up.</p><p>And then he saw her coming in with the lady from earlier, they’re laughing about something, she looks so beautiful, he feels like time has frozen watching her but then in an instant, the laugh dies down and she’s not smiling anymore, she’s looking at him. “Kamilla, Is this the guy that wanted to talk to me?” Iris asked Kamilla in a very cold tone while not shifting her eyes from Barry’s. “Yes, is something wrong?” Kamilla asked her eyes from Iris to Barry not sure where to look. “No, I’m just busy, I don’t have time for this” Iris says as she turns to go back to where she was, but as she fully turns, Barry calls after her “Iris, please”. That stops her in her tracks, Barry rushed to stand in front of her “Please I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now, but please just give me a chance to explain” he begs. “Oh really? What makes you think that?” she asked in a sarcastic tone. “Okay I get that you’re mad, okay, I know and I deserve all of it but please can we talk…. Please”. Iris didn’t respond, she just stood there looking at him. After what felt like a decade she said dropped her gaze and softly murmured “okay” and she started walking to the staff lunchroom, she wasn’t going to take him to her office</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank for continuing to read my story. This chapter is mainly just to push the story forward, I needed to give an overview of their history so we can move together. Everything from next chapter will be in the present (at least as far as I’ve planned)</p><p>Let me know what you think, what you like and don’t like so far. Positive vibes only 😉</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Barry and Iris Talk</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Apologies for the wait and not responding to your lovely comments. Hope you enjoy and I’ll try to update soon :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b> CHAPTER 3 </b>
</p>
<p>“So uhm.. How are you?” Barry asked, his voice a little shaky. They’ve been in the lunchroom for a couple of minutes now,  Iris is leaning on the counter of the kitchenette staring at nothing, Barry, on the other hand, sitting on the chair by the round table by the corner of the room, his eyes just scanning the room… he’s been trying to think of something to start the conversation with. The last time he and Iris were in the room with just the two of them, he messed things up and right now, he just doesn’t want to mess it up even more so he settled on asking how she’s doing, but she’s still not looking at him so he doesn’t know if he’s messing up even more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good,” She finally responded, still not looking at him. Well at least she’s responding, right? Now let’s get to it. “Okay.. okay uh That’s good” he says a little pitchy, Geez Barry pull yourself together! Iris turned to look at him, obviously heard his nervous voice, “why are you here?” she enquires“  “To apologize”that came out too quickly. “Well, I don’t think there’s anything to apologize for… I need to go back to work” she walked past him but he was quick enough to hold her by her wrist which earned him a sharp stare “Iris, please” he pleaded as he let go of her hand. He saw a look on her face that he wasn’t able to interpret. “Just give me 5 minutes okay, just... Please that’s all I need and then you can decide if you want to leave after and I won’t bother you ever again.” She contemplated and gave in “ 5 minutes” in a voice so low Barry thought he was imagining it, but he saw her sitting in one of the chairs by the table he was sitting on.</p>
<p>“What I said to you that night… I didn’t… “ taking a deep breath, he continued “When my parents died, I felt like my heart went with them, I felt empty and helpless.” he’s rubbing his hands while he speaks, Iris has noticed that and she knows that means he’s nervous. “Every day I felt like I was walking around with walls that were caving in on me, even when I was with you… I saw how you were there for me, how you were patient with me but I just couldn’t stop drowning.” He took another long deep breath. “After a month of grieving and trying to be strong and move forward, I wanted to be there, I wanted to be better, to love you the way that you deserved to be loved… but I couldn’t. And I knew that I was hurting you, my nightmares that would wake you up in the middle of the night, how I’d be mad at you for nothing, how I forgot your birthday,  I could see how you were afraid to talk about your dad or Cecile in front of me cause you knew I would be triggered. And that’s not the life I wanted for you, and I tried to do better, to be better for you but I failed. Every time, I failed... I” </p>
<p>“Barry…” 5 minutes have passed, Iris has been sitting on that chair listening to Barry, it's only when she tried to talk and got choked up she realized she’d been holding in tears, and Barry, as nervous as he’s feeling, fidgeting with a pen that was on the table continued “I was afraid that you were gonna leave me. I knew that if you broke up with me, I would never recover from that… I couldn’t handle the thought of losing someone I loved without a warning again, so I thought that if, that if I broke things off then it would be better so that’s why I came over that night and broke things off.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where did you go?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper “The next morning, I went to your apartment and it was empty.” she met his eyes for the first time since they’d started talking.<br/>
“A week before that night, I got a call about a job offer in National City, they said they’d sent me a letter but I never responded, I hadn’t seen it then but when I checked it, I saw that it had the same benefits as the one I got here in Central City… so uhm, when I came to you, I’d already packed to leave Central City”. “Oh..” Iris had nothing today, no that’s a lie, she had A LOT to say but no words could come out</p>
<p>“Iris, I’m not here to make excuses for what I did or how I treated you. I just...” Deep breath, he’s rubbing the hair at the back of his ears with his hands “A year after I left, I started seeing someone… A therapist” Iris looked at him “He helped me deal with everything, what happened to my parents, our relationship, and the guilt I felt about what I did, all of it.” Iris seemed to be open to listening more so he continued “I knew that I had to come back and make things right with you… to find closure with what happened to my parents and I had planned to come back here next week, but a friend of mine and colleague who was supposed to attend a work event here had a family emergency so my boss assigned me to the project so that’s how I ended here early. I didn’t know I’d see you so soon and when I did I didn’t know what to do or say…” </p>
<p>“You don’t have to explain all that” Iris politely interrupted  “I’m glad that you’re well now, that you were able to get help. I can see that you’re doing well.” she said, “I do want you to know that you were never a burden to me and I never would have left you for grieving your parents, that’s....” “I loved you and wanted to be there for you until you were ready to move forward, whenever that was” she wiped the tear that was on her left eye “But I’m really happy that you’re okay now, Barry.” she smiled</p>
<p>“Hey Iris, I’m so sorry,  Kamilla told me you’re meeting someone but I have something to tell you and it can’t wai… oh, Barry” Linda said as she closed the Lunchroom door, clearly sounding worried and angry after seeing Barry there. “What is he doing here?” after a minute of silence, Barry felt it was his cue to leave, “I think I’m gonna go” dragging that sentence as he stood up, “oh you don’t have to since this includes you actually,” Linda said matter of factly “Iris, did Barry tell you why he’s here?” “uhm, Hi Lin. yeah, for work” Iris responded confused, “Well did he tell you what kind of work…. Did you tell her?” now looking at Barry who was also just as confused as Iris “Linda, what’s going on?” Iris snapped starting to get irritated “Well remember Mr. Schott from National City who was supposed to come for our event, then had to send a replacement?” “yeah…” Iris said motioning with her hand that Linda should get to the point. “Well according to the email he sent Kendra, “Mr. BH Allen” will be his replacement and will meet with us tomorrow” “what!?” both Barry and Iris said at the same time. “You’re planning the ‘Ask-An-Expert’ event?” Barry asked, surprised looking at Linda and then Iris. “It’s a HER event dumbass!” Linda said pointing at Iris “Linda!!!” Iris Scolded! “Great! This is just great!” Iris said, on her feet pacing around the lunchroom. “Iris, I swear I didn’t know this was your event, I…” Barry said, afraid to come closer to her “hmm yeah, judging by your reaction. Clearly you didn’t” Iris waved him off. </p>
<p>Barry knew he should stop talking “I think you should go,” Iris said in a low voice, holding on to the top of the chair, not looking at him. “Uhm, okay. But what about…” “I think we’ve done enough talking for today… I’m tired” she cut him off in a low voice and took a deep breath. “Okay… I’ll… uhm, I guess I’ll hear from you then” he said sadly “Bye Iris” He turned away as he closed the door after waving goodbye to Linda who just pretended she didn’t see him leave.</p>
<p>After Barry had left, Iris, followed by Linda, went to her office. She hasn’t said anything since Barry left. Barry has been gone for 3 years, now he’s back and taking up all of her space, she’s not mad at him for being better. Even though he hurt her by leaving her, she still wanted him to be happy, to find peace with what happened to his parents. </p>
<p>She wanted to be there for him when it all happened but he kept pushing her away, she tried to give him some time to heal without her making him feel pushed but that led to him leaving. Now finding out that he left because he thought he was a burden?! To her!? How could he even think that? She did blame herself for him leaving at some point, that maybe she didn’t push him enough, maybe she should have moved in with him to make sure he was okay. I mean, he did ask her to move in with him about a week before the accident, she thought that maybe he would have stayed in Central City, that he would have been there when she found out about… well, it doesn’t matter. He left, and right now he seems to be doing so well, he’s grown, healed and looks at peace. And she’s happy for him.</p>
<p>“So are we going to talk about Barry” her thoughts are intercepted by Linda who’s been sitting on her office couch watching her pack and unpack papers on the file on her desk. “what do you want us to talk about,” she asked, that's not so casual as she’d wanted it to be. “Iris, come on. It’s me you’re talking to. You don’t have to do that”. Iris looked at Linda with sad eyes and sat at the corner of her office desk. “What did he want?” Linda asked, her voice full of concern. </p>
<p>“To apologize. And to tell me that he didn’t mean what he said to me back then, that he was hurting but he went to therapy and now he’s good.” Iris didn’t mean to sound sad. “And? What did you say?” </p>
<p>“Well, what can I say? It’s not like I didn’t know he was hurting. His parents, the 2 people he loved more than anything just died so suddenly at the same time. He didn’t have to apologize to me for wanting to leave.” she said with a shrug. “Iris..” “ I’m happy that he found someone who helped him to heal and move forward.. And that’s what I told him.” “Okay, Okay. So…. did you tell him about Taya?” Linda threaded carefully with that question.</p>
<p>Iris takes a deep breath, starts walking around her office, and she doesn’t answer immediately. She can feel Linda’s stare from behind her so she answers “Not yet” “So you’re gonna tell?” “I have to tell him, he has the right to know.” she’s back to packing and unpacking the papers in one of the files on her desk. She knows Linda’s gonna want to ask her many questions so she doesn’t even give her the chance by immediately changing the subject “So everything is set for our dinner with our guests tomorrow night right?” </p>
<p>Linda knows that’s Iris’s way of saying ‘I don’t wanna talk about it anymore’, she doesn’t like what’s going on right now, she knows that Iris is not as okay as she wants her to believe she is. She noticed how she’s been failing to make eye contact with her since Barry left. She does this all the time, she did this when Barry left the first time, she was there to witness all of it. She saw what Barry leaving did to her best friend, she hasn’t been the same since. She saw her fighting from the ground to get to where she is now, a part of her blamed herself for pushing Iris to Barry, maybe if she didn’t push Iris to say yes to Barry then things wouldn’t have turned out the way that they did. She does feel sorry for Barry, she really does but she’s also upset about how everything got so messed up. So whatever Iris chooses to do, she’s gonna make sure that she protects her friend from ever getting that hurt ever again. </p>
<p>So instead of pushing, she lets her change the subject, “Yeah everything is in order, all guests have confirmed that they’ll be in Central City tomorrow afternoon, I’ve made reservations for 8 at Orion Restaurant, Jenna said she’s driving down her with Rachel, the paralegal” she adds, seeing Iris’s confused face “Oh” she seems to remember “Okay that’s good, Dad did mention that Jenna said she might be coming over to visit them this weekend. I’ve emailed Luke some of the key questions to ask during the panel” Iris adds</p>
<p>“Is there anything you want me to change?” Linda asked, not trying to push “No, everything looks good to me, we’re only 2 days away from the event, we can’t make any unnecessary changes just cause it makes us uncomfortable.” She responds, more as a warning to Linda than an answer. “Okay,” Linda raised her hands in surrender “You’re the client, I’m just the planner. I do what you tell me to.” she adds. “Okay, now you’re being unfair Lin. I know what you’re thinking and right now, I’m trying to put my feelings aside to do what’s best for the people attending this event, the people that WE” she said swaying her index finger “you and I are trying to help, this isn’t about me. I can’t afford to run a business or work on a project based on my emotions, you, of all people, should know that. And I need you to be my partner right now, not my best friend, okay?” she said, sounding tired. “Okay,” Linda responded softly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing.” “I know, but I’m good. I promise” Iris smiled “Now, let’s get moving, I need to go get my dress for tomorrow night,” Iris said grabbing her bag and car keys.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Don’t forget to drop a comment 😉</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b> CHAPTER 4 </b>
</p>
<p>“Yeah, I don’t know if she’s going to want to see me again, she did say she forgave me and that I didn’t need to apologize but… I don’t know Doc, I just feel like she only said that to get rid of me. And worse, she just found out that I’ll be replacing someone at her event, I mean I didn’t know that she was the host, she did believe that part but right now, I don’t even know if she’s gonna want me there” Barry had been on this call with Dr. Stein for the past hour. </p>
<p>After meeting with Iris, he felt a bit of relief that he was able to talk to her, although he wasn’t sure if she meant what she said. He knew that there was still so much work to be done to win Iris’ trust back, but he also doesn’t want to project his own feelings of guilt and unforgiveness to her that he ends up making things worse with them. Right now he’s just going to try and take her for her word, he needs to make sure he brings his A-game to her event, to make sure he doesn’t disappoint her. That’s if she will let him participate still, he will understand if she doesn’t want him there. If she does, he can’t let her down.</p>
<p>So despite his feeling of uncertainty, he spent the rest of his day in meetings, viewing office space and busying himself with his work. After a long day and long hours of work, He decided to call  Dr. Stein to fill him in on what’s happened since their last meeting. </p>
<p>“Did you know that you were attending her event?” Dr. Stein asked. “NO, I just found out when she did. I had to call my colleague to check if he knew but he swore he didn’t know that it was Iris, he saw a ‘Miss West’ on the invitation but didn’t think to look too much into it.” he said. They continued talking, Barry sharing his thoughts and feelings. He needed someone to talk to, he knew that what ruined his relationship with Iris was lack of communication, especially from his part. And if anything, his meeting with Iris today proved that that’s what broke their relationship. </p>
<p>But now, he’s not that person, he knows better than to bottle his emotions, and the best person to help him is his therapist, since he knows everything and has helped him get to where he is now. “Well Barry, thank you for keeping me in the loop. I know I’ve said this before but I am really proud of how far you have come. I’m sure Iris will see that eventually, you just remember to give her time. She’s been living her life without you for what.. Almost 3 years. So, give her time. And remember, she’s not the only reason you wanted to return to Central City” Dr. Stein added. “Yeah, I know. Thank you Doc.” “Do not ever hesitate to call me if you feel overwhelmed, remember what we talked about. Take care Barry” Dr. Stein said and they ended their session.</p>
<p>Barry couldn’t believe it when he saw an email from Iris last night after his meeting with Dr. Stein, notifying him (and all other guests, he reminded himself) about the dinner tonight. The dinner doesn’t start in about 2 hours but he’s already dressed and ready to be picked up by his driver. </p>
<p>The dinner was going well, everyone arrived very early, including Barry, to Iris’s surprise. Everyone at the table was having a good conversation, it was almost like they’d all met before today, which was good cause then it made Iris’s job way easier for tonight. </p>
<p>“Everyone, if I could just have your attention for a few minutes before our dinner is served” Iris said, standing at the far right of the table with Linda sitting next to her, Mary Hamilton sitting next to Linda, Amy opposite Mary, and next to her was Jenna and Rachel right next to Jenna and Barry who’s opposite Iris. She doesn’t know how she ended up sitting so close to Barry, but she’s been doing a pretty good job avoiding making eye contact with him.</p>
<p>“First, I just want to thank you all for volunteering your hours and money to be here. I’m truly grateful. I’m not going to bore you with long speeches” she chuckled, “I just wanted to say thank you. It’s always been a great passion of mine to be able to provide exposure and information to those that need it, and having all of you here shows me how much of an impact this will be. Feel free to ask me, Linda or Luke if you have any questions with regards to the panel tomorrow or if there are any concerns, you can either talk to me or Linda. Cheers” she raised her wine glass and everyone followed suit.</p>
<p>The food came and everyone dug in and all continued with their small chats and laughs, occasional serious questions would come up every now and then and everyone would converse. “You don’t seem to be enjoying your food” Rachel said, with a light nudge on Barry’s shoulder. “Oh, what, haa” he said with a nervous low laugh, looking to see if Iris heard what Rachel said, but Iris seemed to have not heard any of it cause she’s laughing at something Luke said. So he turns back to Rachel, ears red and smiles “it's great, I’m just a slow eater” he adds. “Haha here’s a fun fact about me, I’m registered as a paralegal at my firm but I actually work as an associate. So I’ve been around so many criminals I can spot a liar from a distance, let alone when he’s sitting right next to me” she said with a knowing look while  laughing at Barry’s face turning red. </p>
<p>“I- uh,” he nervously chuckled, rubbing the back of his ear “Well, wow. The food is great, I swear. I think I’m just not that hungry” he added, shyly. “Fine, I’ll drop it, but if I was the chef, I’d be very offended if someone ordered my amazing steak and then only had 3 bites” she teased with a serious face, holding back her laugh “hey, why am I getting an impression that you only care about the food and not me” Barry said, with his hand on his chest, playing along with the tease. “Well, I am a foodie, so sometimes I care more about food” she added “Ouch, that hurts.” they both laughed. Barry’s laugh was cut short when his eyes met with Iris’s eyes and she quickly turned to Linda as she took a long sip of her red wine. “Aheem.. Heem” he cleared his throat, feeling a bit embarrassed “Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.” he said, placing his napkin next his plate and quickly standing up and leave before Rachel <br/>(who saw the quick exchange) could say anything.</p>
<p>“You do know you can’t come to your own event hungover right?” Linda said to Iris. “What are you talking about?” Iris said absent minded, taking another sip of wine. “That’s the 3rd glass of wine you’re having in the 45 minutes, and you’ve just finished this glass in under 10 minutes” she pointed to the empty glass in front of Iris. “Oh!” Iris looked at her glass and realised it was empty, and shrugged  “Lin its just wine, it's dinner, everyone here is drinking, it's no big deal. Plus I’m not drunk” she said matter of factly. “Yet.” Linda said “Iris, what is going on with you? Is this because of Barry?” she enquired, concern written all over her face “Oh God, not this again” Iris sighed. “No Iris, don’t “not this again” me.” she whispered her scolding. “Can you drop it please!?” she said a little loudly, which brought everyone’s attention to them. “Haha, please excuse us?” Linda tried laughing it off while holding Iris by the arm leading her to the ladies bathroom.</p>
<p>“What the hell is wrong with you, are you trying to ruin your own event before it even launches?” Linda asked, still sounding worried. “NO! You are what’s wrong, I thought I made it clear that I don’t wanna talk about Barry but you keep bringing him up!” Iris said, upset. “Well, I keep bringing him up because you’re clearly not okay about him being here” “And I told you-” Iris tried explaining but Linda interjected “Ah! Don’t tell me that it doesn’t matter blah blah blah because what just happened on the dinner table shows me clearly that it does matter… you’re drinking on the job, you never drink on the job. How is you getting drunk in front of your guests… your very first guests on your FIRST event going to help what you’re trying to do or the people you’re trying to help?” Linda asked, eyebrows raised and hand on her hip. Iris didn’t respond, she just turned away from Linda and looked at her reflection in the mirror then took a very deep breath while looking at her hands holding on to the sides of the sink.</p>
<p>“I have to tell him about Taya.” her voice was so low, Linda could've missed it if she wasn’t looking at her. She raised her head and looked at Linda from the reflection on the mirror and repeated “I have to tell him about Taya, but I don’t know if I can. I know he deserves to know but I’m afraid because I don’t know how he’ll react.” she’s close to tears now, she can feel it. “So what are you gonna do?” Linda asked, rubbing Iris’s back. “I don’t know yet, I was looking at him tonight Lin,  he looks so happy and healed from what happened and I feel like telling him will just be me being selfish, you know? I can just hold on till after tomorrow, I’m sure he’ll go back to National City and he doesn’t have to know, he won’t ever know” she says, more as her thinking out loud than talking to Linda. “Okay, but are you going to be okay with knowing that you kept something so big from him, even after seeing and knowing where he lives? And what if he finds out from someone else.”</p>
<p>“So you think I should tell him?” she asked. “I think that you know what you have to do,” Linda stated. Iris took a deep breath trying to hold her tears in and shrugged, “I just don’t wanna burden him, you know.” “Okay, but also remember not to make that decision for him, if he’s as changed as he says then he shouldn’t put anything on you” she said wiping Iris’s tear and hugged her. After a few minutes of Linda's embrace, Iris felt a bit better. “I think our guests might think we ditched them” she chuckled, releasing herself from the hug. “Right, go ahead. I just need to use the toilet and I’ll join you.” Linda said moving towards the toilet door. “Hey Lin” Iris called her before she left “Thank you, for everything.” Linda smiled and nodded then went in.</p>
<p>As Iris left after making sure she looked good, not looking where she was going, she bumped into a tall person “Oh God! I’m so sorry-” they both said at the same time, she looked up and saw that it was Barry who was holding her by her shoulders to make sure she didn't fall. A flash of panic came and went on her face at the realization. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking at where I was going.” he said apologetically. “Oh it’s fine, I also was a bit distracted.” she said a bit high pitched, failing to hide for nervousness as she tried to balance, now starting to feel all the alcohol she’s been drinking, while very much aware of Barry’s hands still on her shoulder. Barry didn’t realise he was still holding her until he noticed that she wasn’t  looking at him but at his hands planted on her shoulder. “Sorry.” he removed his hands, rubbed the back of his neck. “Don’t worry about it.” she flashed him a quick smile and started to walk towards their table “Thank you for letting me still be part of the panel.” He said from behind her, “uh-huh” she nodded and with a tight-lipped smile on her face.</p>
<p>The rest of the night went well, Iris drank water for the rest of the gathering to flush the alcohol,, luckily everyone had already ordered dessert when they’d returned to the table so it wasn’t long before everyone called it a night. Barry took Dr. Stein’s advice to not push himself to Iris, so despite every fibre in his being telling him Iris was acting weird towards him, he did his best to not ask her what was wrong.</p>
<p>The day of the event came and Iris was overwhelmed with emotions. One, the realization that this was the beginning of something that she’s been dreaming to do for others. Two, the conversation that she’d spent the whole night thinking of whether to have with Barry or not. She spent the whole night stress cleaning her apartment to help think better, while drinking more water to try to get all the alcohol out of her system before morning.</p>
<p>Everything went so well, Linda’s people had done a great job setting up the stage, so many young people showed up prepared with their questions. Luckily the panelists were just as prepared with answers. Luke was great as a moderator, managed to keep everyone entertained with his joke while not wasting time. Even though she’d sternly told Linda not to get her to go on stage again, she’d had so many young people coming to her to thank her for the great opportunity to get such important information for free.</p>
<p>With everyone now leaving the venue, and all the setup guys packing up. Iris had been moving from one panelist to the other, thanking them for agreeing to be part of the event. She’d just finished talking to Rachel and her fiance Mike Ross, who’d come to pick her up since she’d drove down  to Central City with Jenna. She was heading back to the hall when she noticed Barry was talking to 3 young ladies who’d asked that he look at their business proposal and advice. He’d been so articulate and wise during the panel, he had knowledge about business that was very surprising given he’s only been working for such a short period of time.</p>
<p>Iris’s nervousness creeped in at the realization that she had to make a decision to either tell Barry about Taya or just let him leave and hopefully never find out. She was glad that her dad wasn’t able to attend this event because she didn’t know how he’d react to Barry being there, let alone participating in the whole thing. </p>
<p>Before she knew it, Barry was walking to her. She tried to act cool. “Hey” he said. “Hi” she said, not sounding cool at all, she cleared her throat “I see a lot of our young ambitious business people really loved the advice you gave them.” she stated using her eyebrows to point to the group of people from behind him. “Haa, I mean, everyone had really great points.” he shrugged, voice a little deep. “You know it's okay to take a compliment right?” Iris asked, teasing. “I know and really, thank you for letting me be part of your event.” he said, sounding serious. “Yeah, sure.” she responded, sounding deep in thought. “Cool, so I uhm..”  he rubbed the back of his neck, flattening the hair at the back of his neck “I guess I should get going then” he pointed to the exit sign.</p>
<p>“Barry I need to tell you something.” she said that so fast, she wasn’t even sure it came out right. “Uhm, okay” he wasn’t sure what to say. “Can we talk somewhere more private, it’s kind of important.” Okay now she sounds full on nervous or scared? Which made Barry uneasy. They both agreed to meet at Iris’s coffee shop in 10 minutes which was about 4 to 5 minutes away from the venue they had the event at.</p>
<p> What did she want to tell him? He had scenarios going through his head as he waited at the coffee shop. Is she seeing someone? Was she gonna tell him to not contact her ever again? Oh Goodness, if that’s what she wanted from him, it’d hurt him more than anything. He knows she’s not gonna take him back right now but he can work and earn her trust back. But if she sent him away then that’s not gonna happen. Even worse, what if she’s married? Wait, but he’s not once seen her wearing a wedding or engagement band so he’s choosing not to think of that option. He has to be prepared for whatever she has to tell him, he owes her that much. She listened to him when he came and invaded her life once more, he can’t chicken out now that she’s the one asking to speak to him. </p>
<p>He saw Iris come in the coffee shop and stood up to point where he was sitting, she suggested they sat by the corner of the shop since it was more quiet. Barry noticed how she was acting the same way she did the night before when they bumped into each other at dinner. He also noticed how she kept taking deep breaths with her hands under the table. She’s brushing them together, he assumed. A habit Iris had when they were in college every time she was nervous.</p>
<p>“Thank you for agreeing to meet,” she started. “Yeah, sure. Anytime.” he said, trying to hide his own uneasiness too. “So I don’t really know where to start.” she brought her hands to the table. “3 years ago, after you left..” She cleared her throat. “About a month after you left, I’d been not doing well health wise and I ended up in the hospital.” she swallowed hard, trying her best to not let her emotions overcome her just thinking about the experience “I was examined and then told by my doctor that I was 11 weeks pregnant.” she let that sit in the air before she continued.</p>
<p>“The doctors said I was having complications.” she felt a tear falling down her cheek “and that I haven’t passed the dangerous 12 weeks mark yet so the baby might not make it.” she took another deep breath, “But it did.” “She did” she corrected herself. Confusion and disbelief written all over Barry’s face. “Her name is Taya, she’ll be 3 later this year” she added. </p>
<p>“To be perfectly formed.” Barry spoke for the first since Iris started talking, his voice so low Iris almost missed it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoy this chapter.</p>
<p> I’m deeply sorry for not replying to your amazing comments. Will definitely do better moving forward. </p>
<p>Taya means to be perfectly formed. 😉</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i> I was examined and then told by my doctor that I was 11 weeks pregnant…..<br/>
I was examined and then told by my doctor that I was 11 weeks pregnant…..<br/>
The doctors said I was having complications….. I haven’t passed the dangerous 12 weeks mark yet so the baby might not make it…..</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I haven’t passed the dangerous 12 weeks mark yet so the baby might not make it</i>
</p><p>
  <i>…...the baby might not make it. </i>
</p><p>Those are the words that kept playing in Barry’s mind, he feels like he’s sinking in an ocean of pain and torture. He left his girlfriend while she was pregnant with their child. He said all of those horrible things to her while she was carrying his child.  </p><p>“To be perfectly formed” he repeated, saying that more as a question.</p><p>“Yes.” Iris said softly with a nod. His whole face was red, she noticed how his eyes seemed to be searching for something in her eyes but she didn’t know what.</p><p>“When I left..” still looking into Iris’s eyes “you..  you were pregnant?” He asked, his voice is now shaking. Iris couldn’t speak anymore, the best she could do was just nod. “You had our baby… Our Taya” his fingers covering his lips, holding from trembling. Iris nodded again. </p><p>This felt like a dream now, like the universe was just trying to mess with his mind and make him feel even more of a horrible person.</p><p>Not only did he leave the love of his life behind because he thought it was for the best, he left his own child… he left her with their child. So many emotions were going through his mind.</p><p>Iris wasn’t sure what was going through Barry’s mind, what she was seeing in his face seemed more like anger and disappointment. Was he disappointed that he got her pregnant? Was he mad that she kept the pregnancy? He can’t possibly be upset that he has a child? At least not the Barry she knew. </p><p> “ I messed up everything” he whispered, he tried his best to hold back the tears that he felt coming. He had his one hand cover his eyes while trying deep continuous breaths.</p><p>There was silence for some time. Barry was internally going through a world war of emotions. While Iris wasn’t  sure of what to make of Barry’s silent yet loud reaction.</p><p>“I know you weren’t expecting this, I just…” she shifted on her seat. “I know it’s a lot to take in.<br/>
I thought that you have the right to know and make your own decision.” she said with a shrugged.<br/>
“You don’t have to meet her or anything like that.” she added. </p><p> </p><p>Everything Iris said felt like a strong punch on the stomach for Barry. One, Him making decisions for the both of them is what has led to this situation right now but he chose to decide for her that they couldn’t be together anymore. Two, she just told him that they have a baby together and she is giving him an out? On his own child, was he really that horrible of a human?</p><p> </p><p>“Please don’t say that.” he looked at her this time. When Iris seemed to have a questioning look on her eyes, he went on “Please don’t tell me that we have a child and then tell me I can’t be in her life.” he said sadly. </p><p>“I didn’t mean it like that.” she told him apologetically. </p><p>“Can I meet her?” he asked.</p><p>Honestly speaking, throughout all the thinking and processing that Iris has done, she didn’t really think about Barry meeting Taya. How will Taya receive Barry, she doesn’t know her dad. Who does she introduce Barry as to her? Barry? Her Dad? Will that be confusing to her? How the hell could she have not thought about all of this before telling Barry?</p><p>Now is her turn to freeze and not know what to say. Just as she was about to respond to Barry, her phone rang.</p><p>“Hi Daddy.” Barry heard her say, and was immediately flooded with panic. Joe.</p><p>Joe’s going to kill him. Not only did he hurt his daughter, he left her to raise their child all by herself. He betrayed his trust. He needs to make things right, there’s so much of a mess he’s left behind when he went to National City that he needs to take accountability and man up for</p><p>“Everything went great, so many people showed and participated, we had a couple of reporters here to cover the event.” she said.</p><p>Joe must have picked the lack of enthusiasm in her voice because Barry heard Iris respond “No, I’m fine dad, I promise. Everything went great. You should ask Jenna, she’ll tell you.”<br/>
Then he also saw a slight panic flash through her face looking at him before she responded to something Joe said over the phone, “Oh No, you don’t have to do that.” still showing panic, but she’s not making eye contact with him anymore “I was actually already planning on coming to pick her up myself, you don’t have to come to the city.” she emphasized the last part.</p><p>Though he couldn’t make out what Joe was saying on the other side of the line but judging from Iris’s responses, Joe had Taya and wanted to come to the city to meet up with Iris? But Iris doesn’t want him to.</p><p>Is that because of him? If it is, then honestly he’s not quite sure he’s ready to face Mr. West yet, but if he has to do that in order to meet his daughter then he’s ready to be crucified. </p><p>“Okay, see you tomorrow. Love you too Dad. Bye” she hung up and put her phone on the table in front of them.</p><p>“So I’m guessing that was Joe…” Barry said.</p><p>“Yeah, I sent Taya to stay with him and Cecile for the week seeing that I’d be busy with the events and all.” she explained.</p><p>“Oh, I see,” he said. Well, that makes sense, Joe would not miss his daughter’s major event, he was taking care of their daughter.</p><p>Their daughter, it’s still surreal to Barry. That brings him back to his mind. “So Taya is not here then?” he asked.</p><p>“Yes” she nodded.<br/>
“I want to be in her life, Iris. I know how much I messed up and I’ll never forgive myself for that. But I also want to make things right. All of it.” he told her.</p><p>“Okay, I’m not saying I don’t want you to be in her life. But there’s a lot that we need to figure out, a plan that works for her. This will be confusing for her, she’s young but that doesn’t mean she’s not gonna be affected by what we choose to do moving forward.” She stated.</p><p>“Right” he agreed. “I’ll do everything I can to make this work without causing any trouble for you or her.”</p><p>Despite Iris’s fear for what this might mean for her and Taya (and Barry) moving forward, deep down she knows that Barry deserves to be part of his daughter’s life. </p><p>She took a napkin and wrote her number then gave it to Barry, “here’s my number, you can text me so I can get yours so I’ll let you know when I get back tomorrow from picking her up from my Dad’s place.” </p><p>“you still use the same numbers.” he pointed out looking at the numbers on the napkin. He looked up and saw Iris looking at him with an unreadable expression on her face and then she looked away.</p><p>“I should go.” she said, grabbing her bag and phone. “Good night.” and she was off.</p><p>Barry was a bit confused about Iris’s sudden behavior, but didn’t dwell on it. Instead, he grabbed his stuff and left.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Be sure to let me know what you thought of this chapter and what you’d like to see in the next chapters. I know there wasn’t a lot of drama on this, but I just wanted to give Barry and Iris a moment to just try to figure this thing out </p><p>Hope everyone is staying safe 🤗</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s been a crazy week for Iris. With everything that’s been going on in the last couple of days, she didn’t even have time to celebrate her big launch. </p>
<p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Now here she was, at her dad’s house to get Taya. After her conversation with Barry the previous day, she couldn’t help but be upset about the fact that he had a chance to call her but he didn’t. After so many weeks and months trying to get a hold of him somehow and praying that he would maybe change his mind about them and come home. He chose to leave her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So are you going to tell me what’s going on with you or are you gonna sit there and brood?” her dad asked; handing her a cup of coffee as he sat down next to her on the couch. “I’m not brooding... I’m just quiet” she corrected.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Well whatever it is you wanna call it, you’ve been acting weird since you got here.” he insisted.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“It’s nothing, I’m just tired. It’s been a long week and there’s a lot going on.” she said with a shrug. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her father could still see that something was eating her up so he asked again. “Okay, so are you going to willingly tell me or am I going to have to force it out of you?” placing the coffee cup on the coffee table to now fully face Iris.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Okay okay fine. But I need you to promise me that you will not do or say anything out of line.” she instructed.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Well I need to know what the matter is first before I can promise anything.” he shrugged.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Dad..” she frowned.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Okay fine, just tell me. I promise” he gave in.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“So.. Barry came to the shop a couple of days ago.” she said; and let that linger for a bit.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>There was silence for a while. “What did he want?” her dad asked; his shock was pretty vivid on his tone.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Does he know about Taya? Is that why he’s back? Where was he?” </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Dad, before you jump into conclusion…” she said; standing, feeling like her nerves were trying to take over.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“He was in National City, that’s where he lives now.” she said walking to the kitchen with hers and her father’s coffee cups, Joe hadn’t even drank from his.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“He knows about Taya.” she added.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that why he’s back?” he asked, now sounding concerned. “Does he want to take her? Cause he can’t do that!”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“No, that’s not why he came back. He actually was one of my guests for the panel at the launch” she tried to sound as casual as possible.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“What!” Joe exclaimed.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Okay Dad, please calm down. I didn’t know that he was gonna be here.” she told him then went on to explain the whole story of what happened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>----</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Iris expected, Joe was not happy about Barry being back all of a sudden. Joe really loved Barry, he loved how he treated his baby girl, how he respected her and always made sure to support her in everything that  she was doing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She remembers how quickly her dad and Barry got along. She was very worried when she introduced Barry to her dad because they’d only been dating for 6 months and she was still at school. She thought her father would not approve of their relationship seeing that she was still young and still had a long way to go but her dad proved her wrong.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He welcomed Barry with open arms. It was like he immediately became his son. He’d even let him borrow with Jazz Collection… and that was a big deal. Joe would rather lose his leg than let anyone touch his jazz collection. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She’d sometimes find out from Cecile that Barry had come over for drinks with Joe at her home. They shared a special bond that Iris had always hoped the guy she’d introduce to her father would. That was one the things that assured Iris that Barry was the one for her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But boy was she wrong. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After Barry left, Joe tried to convince Iris that Barry just needed some space, that he’d come back and make things right. Her father was sure that Barry would reach out to her at some point to let her know where he was, that made her not lose hope. She’d believed that if she was the one that Barry couldn’t talk  to about what he was going through, he’d at least talk to her father.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But after she found out that she was pregnant and still couldn’t reach him in any way, she knew that it was really over, that she couldn’t hold on to this false hope that he’d come back, even though Joe tried to remain positive that he’d come back, she could see that he’d also lost hope in Barry coming back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It really hurt Iris seeing how her dad took on the responsibility to assist her throughout her pregnancy, from paying for all of her doctors appointments to the medical bills that were crazy expensive because of all the complications she went through. On top of that, he made sure to provide for her and Taya.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She was grateful for all the assistance and support  that her dad and Linda gave her but she couldn’t help but hate Barry for putting her in such a situation. Her plans never included getting pregnant just after her last year in varsity only for the guy who’d claimed to love her to leave her to deal with the mess all by herself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her plans didn’t include having her father take care of her as an adult and also take care of her child instead of just being an overjoyed grandfather.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So any kind of anger or hurt her dad may be feeling right now, Iris will not defend Barry from him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After hearing the whole story from Iris, Joe was quiet for what felt like hours to Iris, she wasn’t sure what he was going to say. So when her dad just pulled her in for a hug, she released a breath she didn’t even know she was holding. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad that you told him about her, I’m so proud of you. Taya is so blessed to have you as her mom.” Joe said softly, still holding her tight.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This is what Iris needed to hear right now, since her meeting with Barry yesterday, she’s been doubting her decision to tell Barry about Taya. After Barry casually revealed that he still had her numbers, she couldn’t help but be upset that she’d done so much to try to reach him but failed, yet he had her number, knew where he left her but never called or came to check how she was doing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He really didn’t care about her for sure. Because if he did, he would have at least called to tell her where he’d gone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She had started questioning whether telling Barry about Taya was what was right. Did he deserve to know? Would he even be there for Taya or was he going to leave her the same way he left her? But hearing her dad saying she made the right decision affirmed her decision. She didn’t do this for Barry or for herself. She’s doing this for her daughter, their daughter. “Thank you daddy” she said softly, breaking the hug.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Taya deserves to know her dad, if he chooses to leave her after knowing about her then that’s on him. She’s capable of loving her without him, but if he chooses to take responsibility then that’s great for her. She wants her daughter to experience a love like the one she  experiences from her father. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you thought about how you’re going to co-parent? I know it will be hard but co-parenting with someone who lives so far away will be even harder” her dad enquired.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, we didn’t go that far with the conversation.” she said, thinking.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“I mean, I did just drop a bomb on him. He didn’t have a lot to say except that he wants to meet her so I guess any conversation will happen after..” Iris said, sounding unsure about that last part.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever you decide, I know you’re going to do what’s best for Tay Tay. But just make sure you’re not forgetting yourself in the process” Joe stated.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Iris frowned, suddenly on defense mode.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Don’t get all defensive now,” Joe pointed to her. “I’m just saying, it's okay to be upset and voice out your anger, you don’t have to pretend to be okay.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her eye contact faulted, she hates it when her dad sees through her. “Dad, I’m fine.” she argued</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“I never said you weren’t” Joe threw his hands up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Iris rolled her eyes, knowing that her dad was just saying that so she doesn’t argue with him. And honestly, she’s not in the mood to do so.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We need to get going if we want to meet up Barry before it's dark outside” she said, picking up Taya, who was sleeping on the couch opposite the one she’d been sitting on with her dad.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright baby, all the best. I love you both so much. Always remember that.” He said, brushing both Iris and Taya’s backs and kissed their foreheads.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you even more daddy.” she said back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <span>Barry couldn’t help but feel almost as shitty and he felt 3 years ago when he decided to run away from his grief and the people he loved. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn’t sleep last night, his conversation with Iris kept playing in his head over and over again. Losing his parents turned him into someone he doesn’t even know. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The realization that he lost more than he realized 3 years ago. In losing his parents, he pushed everyone who loved and cared for him. His grief blinded him of all the great things he had right in front of him. He messed things up with those that he loved dearly, Cisco, Linda, Joe and Iris.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Iris.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He pushed the one person that loved him even when he didn’t deserve to be loved. All night, he spent thinking about how Iris was there throughout the whole process of laying his parents to rest. How she was patient with him when he acted like an asshole. Her love and patience were so evident during those times but he was so blinded to see and appreciate that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He failed. He mistreated a woman that gave her all to him, left her and never looked back. After he’d started his therapy sessions with Dr. Stein, he made enough progress to be able to admit the guilt he felt for leaving Central City, his friends and the life he’d started planning to live with Iris. He worked hard with Stein to get to a point of forgiving himself enough to grow the courage to come back to Central City and ask for forgiveness.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All he wanted was to explain to her where his head was when he made all those stupid decisions, he wasn’t expecting her to take him back or anything like that, he wanted her to know that he loves her and that anything he did was stupid and he regretted all of it, and  if possible, he would fight to win her back if he saw that he had any chance. He knew that they’d be a chance that Iris would have moved on with someone else. Maybe even married. He promised himself that he’d be happy for her if she was.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With the new information that he’s received yesterday. He really treated her like crap, left her and hurt her while she was carrying their child. There are so many things he hates himself for, but this? This takes the cup. He will never forgive himself for what he did.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He failed Iris, himself and their child. He failed his parents too. His father would be so disappointed in him right now. What kind of a man leaves the woman he loves with all his heart? What kind of father leaves his child? He left the only family he has left in this world. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So many thoughts were going through Barry’s mind, so when he saw the watch by his bed side show 4:48am which meant it was already the morning, so that means he hasn’t slept a wink since he got on that bed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He decided to do what he knows how to do best.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> Run.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter.</p>
<p>Don’t forget to share your thoughts by commenting 🙂</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Reminder: Taya is an almost 3 years old kid, so remember that when reading her lines 😉</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he left his hotel room, he didn’t have a final destination in mind, he just kept running. Two hours later, Barry’s feet had led him in front of two tombstones he hasn't laid eyes on in 3 years. Any physical pain he was feeling was drowned by the emotions flowing through him.</p><p>Almost out of breath, he  knelt down pouring his heart out. Finally releasing all the tears he’s been holding in. “I am so sorry.” he said, his body shaking due to exhaustion and all the tears. “I’m sorry.” he repeated. “I have failed you both so much. I wasn’t thinking, I am so stupid.” he cried. “I left you here and then I left Iris”</p><p>“I left our daughter. Your granddaughter” he added. “Dad, I disappointed you. I became the man you taught me to never become.” he pressed his eyes to stay closed as his tears continued to fall. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>After pouring his heart out to his parents, apologizing for how’d dealt with their passing and everything in between, hoping that wherever they are, they hear him and forgive him. And made a promise to them and himself to make things right. All of it.</p><p>He called his driver to pick him up and take him back to his hotel. Took a very long shower, had his late breakfast and decided to sleep for a little bit before meeting up with Iris and meet their daughter for the first time.</p><p>After his nap, he woke up feeling a lot better than the day before or earlier that morning. The only feeling that was left in him was nervousness. In less than 2 hours, he’d be meeting his daughter for the first time. His almost 3 years old daughter. What do you bring when you’re going to see your child for the first time? Will she ever see her as her dad? And then the jealousy creeped in a bit, <i> What if there’s another man in their life that she sees as her dad? But Iris hasn’t mentioned being in a relationship with anyone. ‘Of course she hasn’t you idiot! You’ve only had what, 3 meetings since you’ve come back’. </i> He tried to move away from that thought. Even if she was with someone, it's none of his business. For now, maybe.</p><p>Iris had sent him a message that they’d meet at the coffee shop after lunch, it was a Sunday so it’s never busy on Sundays. He left his hotel a little early to stop by the gift shop to get something for Taya. After struggling to decide what to buy, he bought the gift and left for the coffee shop.</p><p>Iris was also a nervous wreck. Her conversation with her dad helped her believe that she’d made the right decision about this but she was still nervous about how it would all go, especially with Taya’s clinginess today. She’d been sleeping almost the entire ride back to the city so she always wants to be held after waking up, she was sleeping when she got to Joe’s house so that means she’s probably hungry, plus she hasn’t seen Iris in almost a week. All that to say, she’s got enough reasons to be attached to her momma’s hip and not be very friendly today. </p><p>“Tay Tay, mommy needs you to not be clingy today okay?” Iris said unbuckling Taya from her car seat. “Mommy, I’m hungry.” she complained, raising her hands up for Iris to pick her up. As expected. Iris rolled her eyes and picked her up. “Okay, let’s get you some food.” She picked her up and they walked to the coffee shop entrance. They weren’t meeting Barry till about half an hour so Iris hoped her mood would be better by then.</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Barry made sure to be at the coffee shop early, he couldn’t afford to be late today. He’d decided to sit in the open area so Iris could see him when they came in. He hadn’t been there long when he saw Iris walk in with a toddler on her arms, he couldn’t see her face because she was laying on Iris’s other shoulder with her face facing the kiosk.</p><p><i> Deep Breaths Barry, Deep Breaths. </i> His heart was beating so fast when he saw them. The reality  finally settled in on him. He is Father to an alive human being. He took long breaths and stood up so Iris could see him. She looked shocked to see him and it took her a few hot minute to start walking to him.</p><p>“Hi.” She greeted him. “Sorry I wasn’t expecting you here until later.” she added.<br/>
“Oh uhm… I- I just wanted to make sure I’m not late.” he said, almost looking embarrassed.<br/>
His eyes kept moving from Iris to the body she was carrying. She still hadn’t shown her face still.</p><p>“Do you mind if we moved to  a more open table? she was sleeping on our way here and a bit hungry. I need to get her some food.” she said, rubbing Taya’s back.</p><p>“Yeah, sure.” he nodded.</p><p>They moved to the family table by the door to the lunchroom. It has been the most awkward couple of minutes they’ve ever shared with each other. Taya didn’t want to get off of Iris , even when Iris told her she was going to get her food. She hated how she made her look like a mom that couldn’t manage her kid in front of Barry. Great start.</p><p>Barry was just so nervous, feeling like his greatest fear was coming true. His daughter wanted nothing to do with him. But giving up was not an option for him, he made a promise to himself, to his parents, that he will do everything and anything to build his family back again, and right now. He needs to build a relationship with his daughter.</p><p>So he got up from his chair, took out her gift from the gift bag and moved over to the other side of the table. “Can I?” he pointed to Taya, asking for Iris’s permission to touch her.</p><p>Iris wasn’t sure if that was a good idea, knowing she might throw a tantrum just for the fun of it but nodded anyway. “Hey TayTay, someone wants to say hi to you, can you pull away from mommy for a second please?” she whispered to her ear. </p><p>She turned around looking at Barry’s direction but still leaned on Iris’ chest. Barry went down on his knee to be on her level.</p><p>She was literally perfect, her hazel eyes, her cute pouty mouth that will definitely look like her Iris’ as she grows, her lovely black curls that are tied in two scrunchies. She looked so much like Iris, it was insane!<br/>
“Hi Taya, my name is Barry.” he introduced himself, smiling. He tried his best to hold the tears that were threatening to come out.</p><p>Iris could hear that his voice was breaking a bit, she looked away, trying to disconnect from the emotions she was feeling watching him.</p><p>Taya waved her hand at Barry but didn’t say anything. Which gave Barry a little boost in his confidence. “I bought you a little gift,” he said, revealing a grey and pink animated interactive talking and singing elephant. “If you press it on its belly, it talks and sings.” he said, showing her how it works.</p><p>That worked because Taya was now fully awake, pulled away from Iris’s chest,  sitting on her lap and received the elephant teddy and hugged it and then started pressing it to play the audio again which made her giggle. Barry let a loud sigh escape his mouth, just happy that she’d loved the gift.</p><p>“What do you say when someone gives you something missy?” Iris asked Taya.<br/>
“Thank you.” she said, looking at her mom with excitement. “Then say thank you to Barry then.”<br/>
She instructed.</p><p>“Thank you.” she smiled and reached out to hug Barry. A hug that caught both Barry and Iris by surprise that she almost fell off Iris’s lap to the floor if Barry’s arm wasn’t fast enough to grab her in their embrace.</p><p>Their little moment of bonding was interrupted by Kamilla when she’d come to bring Taya’s sweet potato fries and took Barry and Iris’s coffee orders.<br/>
She’d finally agreed to sit in her own chair to eat her fries. But she didn’t let her mom hold her new toy while she ate so that meant the elephant will have ketchup stains before it even got home.</p><p>After their coffee orders arrived, there was a couple of minutes of awkwardness again, Iris hadn’t said a thing to him after she thanked him for buying Taya the toy and getting her to start playing.</p><p>“The coffee shop is great by the way, and the coffee is great too.” he tried starting a conversation. “Thanks, would be weird if I, a coffee fanatic, had a business that made terrible coffee.” she stated.</p><p>“True.” he chuckled. “So is it always this quiet on Sundays? Cause I know the last 3 times I was here, it was pretty packed” he tried to keep the convo  moving</p><p>“Yeah, Sundays are mostly busy in the mornings and we spend the afternoon receiving stock and prepping for Mondays cause that’s the busiest day” she shared.</p><p>“That’s a smart plan, must be maddening trying to balance everything huh?” He said looking around the shop, he’d never really given himself a moment to look at the interior.  The whole coffee shop had an industrial decor theme with the original brick clad walls ,exposed pipes, reclaimed wood covering certain parts of the store, metal chairs and industrial lamps. Everything just made  the shop look so modern and cozy.</p><p>“Well I have people who want to help me and I let them.” she said matter of factly. A response that felt like had a double meaning. Barry thought he may be reading too much into it but when she quickly corrected herself  “I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean I have help.” he knew he wasn’t seeing things that aren't there.</p><p>The fact that Iris couldn’t look at him for more than a second wasn’t lost on Barry, he could see that she didn’t want him in her space. He knows that it will take time, but he’s already made up his mind to put in the work to earn her trust again.</p><p>“Thank you for telling me about her.” he said looking at Taya, who was drinking her orange juice and eating her fries and playing with her elephant. Then looked back at Iris who was looking at the same scenery then met his eyes and quickly looked away.</p><p>“I’m going to do everything I can to make things right, Iris. I know my words mean nothing to you right now but I promise you. I’ll do my best to be here for her and you when you need me.” he told her.</p><p>She nodded in agreement with what he was saying, no eye contact still. Deep down in her heart, Iris knew that Barry would step up and take responsibility as Taya’s dad. But there was still that small part that still made her  believe that she doesn’t know Barry as much as she thought she did, so maybe, just maybe, he’d run and not look back. So hearing him share his plans to still want to see Taya released her fears a little bit.</p><p>“We need to discuss how we’re going to co-parent. With you living hours away from here and all. ” Iris told him.</p><p>“Right.” Why did he not even think of this?</p><p>“My official leave starts tomorrow, which means I have the whole of next week free. I was hoping to spend more time getting to know Taya and for her to get to know me. If that’s okay with you of course. We can work out the rest as time goes.” he said.</p><p>Panic flashed through Iris’s face but she was quick to hide it that Barry didn’t see it. It’s not that she’s not happy that Taya’s going to spend time getting to know Barry, a week won’t make up for lost time but it should give them time to bond and for Barry to learn more about his daughter. But, Barry and Taya spending so much time together means Iris has to be around him just as much. And she hadn’t thought about that till this very second.</p><p>She can’t be around him for a whole week. This won’t be her dropping off Taya and leaving, she actually has to sit with Barry for however long they meet. Will she be able to be around him that long without losing it? Did he even think of that? </p><p>But she’s doing this for her daughter. Her priority. Taya needs this, she deserves this. She’s not going to rob her the time she deserves with her dad. So she comes up with the quickest solution without thinking twice. “Linda usually takes her to CC Kids Park everyday after daycare, you can meet with them there.” she says.</p><p>“Linda?” he asked, confusion written in his face.</p><p>“Yeah, Linda Park. My friend.”<br/>
“Yeah, I know who Linda is. I just- you’re not going to be there?” he asked softly.</p><p>“No, I don’t need to be there. Linda knows Taya almost as I do, anything you need to know, she’ll tell you. Plus, I trust her.” she says with a shrug.</p><p>Barry was quiet for a bit. He could see that Iris was hiding something from him but couldn’t tell what, especially since she barely made eye contact. Not that he doesn’t want to spend time with Taya, because he does. But, he was hoping to spend time with Iris as well. So her pushing him away from her made him sad and a little bit frustrated. </p><p>There’s not much he can do to change her mind yet so he’ll do what she wants, so he agrees. “Uh, okay. If that’s what you think it’s best then I’m okay with that.” he says with a shrug.</p><p>“Great, I’ll let Linda know. She’ll contact you with the details.” she said, shooting a tight lipped smile.</p><p>“I think I should go.” he said, standing up from his chair to kneel next to where Taya was sitting playing with her elephant teddy bear. “I’ll see you tomorrow, sweet lady. Can I get another hug.” he opened his arms. Taya gave Barry a hug. This one lasted a little longer than the first one.</p><p>“See you around Iris”<br/>
“Bye, Barry.”</p><p>Soon as Barry left, Iris reached for her phone “Hey, I need you to not kill me for this……”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you liked this first meeting.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So you told Barry about Taya, told your dad about Barry. Set up a meeting for Barry and Taya to meet. And now you want me to be your middle man in your co-parenting navigation?” Linda says.</p><p>After Barry left, Iris called Linda to ask to meet with her but didn’t tell her the details of their meeting. She hadn’t talked to her since the previous day at the event and quite frankly, so much has happened since then. So she had to talk to her, especially since  she’s somehow managed to involve her in her drama. </p><p>Now Iris was at Linda and Scott’s house hoping she doesn’t say no. “Yes. And there’s no drama. Not yet at least” she pointed out.</p><p>“Then why am I the one who’s supposed to meet him not you?” “And don’t use the coffee shop as an excuse cause we both know they can manage without you being here all the time” She pointed her finger to her.</p><p>“It’s just one week Lin, please” Iris begs</p><p>“You don’t have to beg me, I just want to know why you want ME to be there with him. Aren’t you supposed to be there to see for yourself if you’ll be comfortable with him spending time alone with her?” she enquiries.</p><p>“Well… I trust you to make that judgement.” she points out.</p><p>“I know and thank you. But that’s not the point and you know it.” </p><p>“I just.. I-” she tried to find an reasonable explanation to give to Linda but words just couldn’t come to her. At least words that aren’t hurtful enough to show her anger that she’s not ready to admit to having.</p><p>Seeing that Iris wasn’t ready to share whatever was on her mind, Linda gave in, she’d talk to Iris about this some other time. “You know what? For you,  I’ll meet with him. But ONLY for this week. And I’m only doing this because I know you’d do the same for me if I was in the same situation.”</p><p>“Thank you so much Lin.” she said with a huge sigh of relief.</p><p>----------------------<br/>
If anyone had told Barry that has happened to him in the past couple of days would happen. He’d never have believed them. Just this morning, he felt like the world was closing in on him, cursing him and somehow punishing him.</p><p>But after meeting his daughter, his beautiful baby girl, everything just made so much sense to him. Him and Iris have a daughter together. Their love made a person. He’s found an even greater reason to live, to fight, to be alive. He doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve such a great gift. A gift that he may never would have had a chance to embrace because of how he’d handled his grief. But just as he promised his parents, he’s going to work his damn hardest for his family.</p><p>Although he didn’t want to push her or make their already complicated relationship more complicated, he’s noticed how Iris was still holding back. He doesn’t blame her though. He was an idiot, and his idiotic behavior might cost him everything but he’s not going to give up. So he’s going to do what she wants, give her the space she needs and hopefully not push him too far away that he ends up not ever getting a chance with her ever again. Even as just friends. Now he’ll work on building a relationship with his daughter.<br/>
-------------------<br/>
Barry woke up to a text from Iris letting him know the time and address he’d be meeting Linda and Taya at that day as well as Linda’s number so he can contact her when he arrives. He hadn’t really planned out what to do for that week, everything that he’d planned to do that week had already happened. <i>Well except talking joe. That one he wasn’t ready for yet, especially now knowing that he had to raise his daughter. He can’t imagine how he’d choke him to death when they met. And honestly he wouldn’t blame him. He’s only been around his own daughter for 2 seconds but he can’t even begin to imagine what he’d do to someone who’s even trying to hurt Taya. </i></p><p>He decided to spend the rest of his morning sharing the good news with Dr. Stein, who was very happy for Barry and also applauded him on how he seems to have handled the news in a much more mature way. He also called in to work to give an update on work related stuff that he had to do in Central City. He then planned to call Winn and Kara to tell them the news. Other than them and Dr. Stein, he really had no one else in National City so they’ve pretty much become his somewhat extended family so he wanted to share this with them. He’s a dad. It’s still surreal but he’s happy.</p><p>With a couple more hours left to kill before he has to leave for the park, Barry spent those hours researching about toddlers, from what happens at that point of their growth, types of activities most toddlers enjoy to the type of foods they eat.</p><p>--------------<br/>
Barry and Linda met at the kids park, like the previous day, Barry was there earlier than expected. This meeting felt even more awkward than the one he had with Iris. Unlike Iris, Linda never hides how she feels, she’s straight forward. And as far as Barry knows (based on their last encounter), she hates the living hell out of him. But he’d already put on his big boy pants and ready to take any fist thrown at him, as long as he spends time with his daughter.</p><p>“Hey Linda.” He greeted, his hands fidgeting with the grocery bag he’s holding.<br/>
“Allen. You’re here early” Linda said, passing him from where he was standing to a spot covered with nice grass and shade. Holding Cici on her one side while holding Taya’s hand as they walked.</p><p>“Let me help you with that.” he offered, as she’s trying to lay the blanket she got out from the backpack she came with.</p><p>“Thanks.” she says and hands over the blanket to Barry.</p><p>Once Linda and the girls were settled on the blanket, Barry saw it as a good opportunity to talk to Taya, who’s been rubbing Cici’s cheeks since they got there, making her laugh.</p><p>“Hey Tay Tay, do you remember me? I’m Barry. Your Dad. We met yesterday.” he asked, playing with her hand.<br/>
She wasn’t as clingy as yesterday but she was shy looking at Barry and smiled.<br/>
Seeing her response, he offered “Do you wanna play with me?” “If that’s okay?” He looked up to Linda for permission.</p><p>Linda nodded, as she was feeding Cici “Tay Tay, do you wanna go play on the slides with your Daddy?”. Taya loved playing on the slides and swings every time Linda and Iris took her to the park so she responded by shouting yes while jumping up and down.</p><p>Barry and Taya’s playtime was going well, they’d started with  just running around playing chase while Linda and Cici were playing with Cici’s toys on the picnic blanket. Linda watched Barry and Taya play, watching how Taya seemed to be comfortable around Barry, which is very shocking because they’ve only known each other for less than a day and given how she’s usually not welcoming of adults seeking her attention. The only time she’s ever seen Taya be playful around strangers would usually be with other kids her age that they’d usually meet at the park. <i>Maybe this whole parent-child bond thing is deeper than one can ever understand </i> she thought to herself.</p><p>Also watching Barry, he looks so different from Barry that she’d last seen 3 years ago. She hadn’t really paid much attention to him back when she found him talking to Iris at the coffee shop, she’d also seen him at the pre-event dinner  and the event itself and he looked all rounded and professional but that didn’t mean anything because a lot of people have mastered the art of wearing a professional ‘I am fine’ mask, so that wouldn’t tell her if he’s the Allen from 3 years ago or he’s different. Although, she’s noticed him stealing glances at Iris during the dinner that her friend didn’t see.</p><p>But seeing him now, he looked different, more relaxed. Watching him tickle Taya as he picked her up, walking to the swings opposite the slides they’d been playing on before. She wished Iris was there to see how good they were getting along, or maybe that’s what Iris didn’t want to see. She could only imagine what or how Iris was feeling, she’d never been easy with sharing her feelings with the whole Barry situation.  Her hope is that Barry’s return and being in the good space he appears to be doesn’t throw Iris in a whole that she almost fell before.</p><p>Her thoughts are disturbed by Cici squeezing her cheeks to get her attention. </p><p>Barry and Taya have been playing around the park for over an hour now, with a few minutes breaks in between for Taya to drink water and for Barry to check in with Linda on whether she wants to leave or they still have time. He’s been having so much fun seeing his baby girl jolly and so active, and grateful she’s welcoming of him. She probably doesn’t understand much yet but grateful that she hasn’t rejected him, and also grateful that Linda is allowing them the free reign of just them two playing.</p><p>Things were going well until Taya complained about being hungry so they retreated back to the picnic blanket with Linda and Cici. then the awkwardness returned, Linda hardly made conversation.</p><p>“So uhm, how old is Cici?” he asked, awkwardly.<br/>
“She’ll be 17 months this Thursday.” she answered, flatly as she put more veggies from her container on Taya’s paper plate as they continued to eat.</p><p>“Listen Linda, I get that I’m not your favorite person right now. But we’ll be meeting like this for this whole so can we maybe try to make things a little less awkward?” He shrugged.<br/>
“Nothing feels awkward to me” she scoffed.</p><p>“Well okay, can you maybe hate me a little less just for this week, please?” he asked, softly.<br/>
“I don’t know how to break it to you Allen, I don’t know who hates you  out there in the world but I’m definitely  not one of them.” Linda huffs in annoyance.<br/>
“Well iris is one of them” he whispers under his breath but Linda heard him<br/>
“Do you blame her?” she raised an eyebrow<br/>
“Of course not!” he says immediately<br/>
“I just- I know she hates me, she has every right to hate me. I deserve that for everything I put her through. But in the times we’ve met, it's like she doesn’t want to be near me. She says she’s forgiven me but it doesn’t feel like it, it just feels like she only said that to get rid of me. And I know she didn’t have to tell me about She can’t even look at me.” he didn’t mean to say all of that. And sound miserable.</p><p>“Listen Barry, I don’t hate you. But I do hate what you did to my friend, I hate that I had to watch my best friend, someone I consider my own sister go through so much hurt and pain. There’s so much that she’s gone through that you will never understand. I had to watch her cry day and night after you left, not eat for days.It took her weeks before she talked to anyone about what happened with you two. She almost miscarried because she was too stressed and wasn’t eating enough. She literally found out she was pregnant because she fainted at her job interview and ended up in hospital. And that’s just a tip on the iceberg, Barry. So You can’t expect her to just give you heart eyes, chatty conversations and hugs just because you’re back and ready to talk it out or whatever.”she bluntly told him.</p><p>Hearing all these things that he’d put her through couldn’t help but hate himself more. In his ways to protect her from the pain he was feeling, he caused her even greater pain, pain that almost cost their child's life. In that moment, he looked at Taya who was playing with Cici’s doll and oblivious to their conversation, he could feel tears filling his eyes. His impulsive decision almost cost him his child’s life.</p><p>All his emotions were just transparent for Linda to see on his face that was now red, and welled up eyes, “I knew she was keeping stuff to herself when I spoke to her previously. But I didn’t know it was this.” He tried to not break down in front of his kid.  </p><p>“Even if she does talk to you, she will not tell you all the things she went through and you know why” Linda said. </p><p>And she’s right, he knows why. Because Iris is Iris. No matter how much she may hate Barry, she’d never share her suffering if in any way that would make him feel guilty. </p><p>And he does feel guilty, he deserves to feel guilty. After all his time in therapy, he couldn’t help but think of ways that he could have handled his grief differently. He could have let iris in on how he was feeling instead of shutting her off every time she tried reaching out. He could have gone to the grief counsellor Iris suggested instead of lashing out on her accusing  her of thinking he was crazy, he could have talked to Joe. All of Iris’s pain was because of him. And for that, he felt guilty.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for being patient with me. Let me know what you think of this chapter, what you’re hoping to see etc</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey reader, If you’re reading this it means you’ve made it to the end of my first chapter. I’ve never written anything other than an essay for my exam in high school many many moons ago lol. Bare with me as we go on this journey.</p><p>I’m still trying to figure out how to use this site so some things might not look right or whatever lol... For example, this is a multi chapter story but I don’t know how to label that <br/>Positive feedback and constructive criticism is more than welcome</p></blockquote></div></div>
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